








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 509 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 119 matches | ||
| Esplay | 19 matches | 1,719 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 109 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1473 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,031 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2398 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1776 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2764 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1093 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $679,453 of utility $170 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 263 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tsiimoi | 52% | 25 |
| #2 | miisamirotta ✮ | 48% | 33 |
| #3 | mlahtinen (parkside enjoyer) | 44% | 62 |
| #4 | x__カルーア__x | 40% | 10 |
| #5 | zEmy0 | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tsiimoi | 52% | 25 |
| #2 | miisamirotta ✮ | 48% | 33 |
| #3 | mlahtinen (parkside enjoyer) | 44% | 62 |
| #4 | x__カルーア__x | 40% | 10 |
| #5 | zEmy0 | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tsiimoi | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | mlahtinen (parkside enjoyer) | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | zEmy0 | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mlahtinen (parkside enjoyer) | 185 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | tsiimoi | 70 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | zEmy0 | 42 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | miisamirotta ✮ | 18 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | x__カルーア__x | 18 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zEmy0 | +1.54 | 81 | 52 |
| #2 | tsiimoi | +1.24 | 74 | 46 |
| #3 | DN | +0.33 | 52 | 76 |
| #4 | mlahtinen (parkside enjoyer) | -2.07 | 21 | 48 |
| #5 | miisamirotta ✮ | -4.61 | 28 | 47 |





