








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 655 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1261 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,302 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 93 | 7% |
| Smokes | 269 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 575 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 365 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $332,242 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nazuna Nanakusa | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | ⛴Maxima | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | Marvin the Paranoid Android | 41% | 66 |
| #4 | Yope | 25% | 8 |
| #5 | Adolf Oliver Nipple | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nazuna Nanakusa | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | ⛴Maxima | 50% | 24 |
| #3 | Marvin the Paranoid Android | 41% | 66 |
| #4 | Yope | 25% | 8 |
| #5 | Adolf Oliver Nipple | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Marvin the Paranoid Android | 13 | 0.0107 |
| #2 | Nazuna Nanakusa | 4 | 0.0213 |
| #3 | Adolf Oliver Nipple | 3 | 0.0157 |
| #4 | ⛴Maxima | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⛴Maxima | 65 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #2 | Yope | 10 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | Nazuna Nanakusa | 5 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | Marvin the Paranoid Android | 4 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| #5 | Adolf Oliver Nipple | 1 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nazuna Nanakusa | +5.21 | 64 | 22 |
| #2 | (JJ)Aiirrpoooods | +3.23 | 94 | 23 |
| #3 | ⛴Maxima | -0.05 | 66 | 52 |
| #4 | Yope | -1.63 | 59 | 67 |
| #5 | Adolf Oliver Nipple | -2.60 | 72 | 14 |





