








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1533 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 290 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




105 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6694 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,932 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12902 | 39% |
| Smokes | 7042 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 7865 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 5123 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,072,960 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1083 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HurriedHond | 84 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | kuki | 28 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Sentinal_UK | 19 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | Lorjebu | 19 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Stannaz | 13 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kuki | 1364 | 0.09 | 33 min |
| #2 | HurriedHond | 632 | 0.07 | 14 min |
| #3 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | 445 | 0.27 | 12 min |
| #4 | Sentinal_UK | 439 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #5 | Lorjebu | 174 | 0.05 | 3 min |





