








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 486 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 244 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3100 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,233 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3014 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3643 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3137 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3439 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $571,548 of utility $84 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1322 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Mano | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Lloyds Bank | 55% | 40 |
| #3 | El Guacamole | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | Jacob | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | Me4o_Puh | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Mano | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Lloyds Bank | 55% | 40 |
| #3 | El Guacamole | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | Jacob | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | Me4o_Puh | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jacob | 9 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | Lloyds Bank | 8 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | The Mano | 6 | 0.0125 |
| #4 | El Guacamole | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Me4o_Puh | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lloyds Bank | 240 | 0.26 | 5 min |
| #2 | Jacob | 214 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | El Guacamole | 150 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | The Mano | 65 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | Me4o_Puh | 54 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | El Guacamole | +1.41 | 81 | 59 |
| #2 | Rudy | +1.30 | 74 | 61 |
| #3 | The Mano | +0.85 | 82 | 51 |
| #4 | Lloyds Bank | +0.48 | 70 | 64 |
| #5 | Me4o_Puh | +0.29 | 59 | 63 |





