








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
200 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 559 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 224 | 40% |
| Smokes | 117 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 131 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 87 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $28,581 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThomasDaDankEngine | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | The Jeff | 33% | 3 |
| #3 | Sir.PiJohn | 25% | 4 |
| #4 | Prreeeptattn' | 25% | 4 |
| #5 | Wandering Fellow | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ThomasDaDankEngine | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | The Jeff | 33% | 3 |
| #3 | Sir.PiJohn | 25% | 4 |
| #4 | Prreeeptattn' | 25% | 4 |
| #5 | Wandering Fellow | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sir.PiJohn | 1 | 0.0114 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wandering Fellow | 5 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #2 | Sir.PiJohn | 5 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | ThomasDaDankEngine | 5 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | Prreeeptattn' | 1 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sir.PiJohn | +6.32 | 56 | 48 |
| #2 | fuzz | +3.46 | 79 | 65 |
| #3 | The Jeff | +1.51 | 21 | 38 |
| #4 | ThomasDaDankEngine | +1.40 | 69 | 50 |
| #5 | Prreeeptattn' | -0.36 | 56 | 44 |





