








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 701 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 118 matches | ||
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 101 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2701 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,605 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4387 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3713 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2348 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2157 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $572,776 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 206 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JDS | 55% | 145 |
| #2 | Blazert | 51% | 73 |
| #3 | Sisami | 50% | 106 |
| #4 | zinkan99 | 47% | 89 |
| #5 | Debonaire | 46% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zinkan99 | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Hairy Pothead | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Debonaire | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Blazert | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JDS | 448 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | zinkan99 | 350 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | Sisami | 254 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #4 | Debonaire | 155 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | Blazert | 89 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nickepice° | +1.73 | 58 | 80 |
| #2 | JDS | +1.53 | 63 | 73 |
| #3 | Debonaire | +0.37 | 67 | 67 |
| #4 | Hairy Pothead | -0.39 | 54 | 35 |
| #5 | zinkan99 | -1.27 | 50 | 69 |





