








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 73 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
661 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,544 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 624 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1421 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1250 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1249 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $111,968 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Reke | 20 | 0.0201 |
| #2 | oxyak | 5 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Pranten | 3 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | MR Retardo | 2 | 0.0042 |





