










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 169 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 38 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
240 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,223 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 259 | 21% |
| Smokes | 152 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 456 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 356 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $164,600 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 331 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hamko | 45% | 22 |
| #2 | Midget | 42% | 38 |
| #3 | IchBinHässlich | 40% | 15 |
| #4 | Balubas | 39% | 31 |
| #5 | Burritolele | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hamko | 45% | 22 |
| #2 | Midget | 42% | 38 |
| #3 | IchBinHässlich | 40% | 15 |
| #4 | Balubas | 39% | 31 |
| #5 | Burritolele | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Midget | 96 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Balubas | 42 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Burritolele | 41 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Hamko | 22 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | IchBinHässlich | 19 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Midget | +1.35 | 72 | 69 |
| #2 | Hamko | +0.97 | 63 | 58 |
| #3 | Burritolele | +0.40 | 45 | 58 |
| #4 | Balubas | -0.25 | 50 | 52 |
| #5 | IchBinHässlich | -2.03 | 59 | 57 |





