








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 98 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 224 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3075 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,107 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3241 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3332 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2769 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1765 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $786,866 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 137 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeafTurtleMonkey | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | Spongeboob | 52% | 25 |
| #3 | wink | 49% | 169 |
| #4 | SpoonFish | 46% | 176 |
| #5 | Deej | 35% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DeafTurtleMonkey | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | Spongeboob | 52% | 25 |
| #3 | wink | 49% | 169 |
| #4 | SpoonFish | 46% | 176 |
| #5 | Deej | 35% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpoonFish | 15 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | wink | 15 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Deej | 4 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | Spongeboob | 2 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpoonFish | 328 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #2 | wink | 247 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | Deej | 36 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Spongeboob | 24 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | DeafTurtleMonkey | 16 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wink | +2.06 | 81 | 48 |
| #2 | Gdog | +0.71 | 74 | 64 |
| #3 | SpoonFish | -0.52 | 52 | 45 |
| #4 | Deej | -1.15 | 64 | 53 |
| #5 | DeafTurtleMonkey | -1.83 | 63 | 33 |





