








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 160 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 55 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1026 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,766 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1667 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1198 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 905 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 996 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $197,567 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coach Parnell | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | ApeX | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | Fitzy | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | Arcay | 62% | 13 |
| #5 | HaZ | 57% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | ftsrellik | 40% | 5 |
| #9 | apex dumb fuck | 40% | 5 |
| #10 | S7 | 22% | 18 |
| #11 | ulquiorra | 20% | 5 |
| #12 | archie | 20% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jokerbrain | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Arcay | 1 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Coach Parnell | 1 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | ftsrellik | 1 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jokerbrain | 125 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | HaZ | 98 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #3 | Dirty American | 85 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | ApeX | 48 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | S7 | 44 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty American | +2.73 | 79 | 77 |
| #2 | LnS.Gentlemen | +1.31 | 83 | 70 |
| #3 | Fitzy | +0.70 | 84 | 46 |
| #4 | ApeX | +0.53 | 75 | 71 |
| #5 | HaZ | +0.25 | 64 | 63 |





