








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 559 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 417 matches | ||
| Wingman | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4081 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,269 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3951 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3558 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2417 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2343 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,711,955 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 700 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dark Rose | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | wench | 50% | 48 |
| #3 | Sizing Up | 49% | 61 |
| #4 | neji | 46% | 54 |
| #5 | BOOZE BABY BOZZ | 44% | 285 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dark Rose | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | wench | 50% | 48 |
| #3 | Sizing Up | 49% | 61 |
| #4 | neji | 46% | 54 |
| #5 | BOOZE BABY BOZZ | 44% | 285 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOOZE BABY BOZZ | 15 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | neji | 6 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Sizing Up | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | wench | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Dark Rose | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sizing Up | 254 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #2 | BOOZE BABY BOZZ | 157 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #3 | neji | 102 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | wench | 75 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Dark Rose | 32 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | neji | +1.90 | 56 | 53 |
| #2 | Dark Rose | +0.85 | 63 | 29 |
| #3 | Sizing Up | -0.02 | 70 | 63 |
| #4 | ~coast~ | -0.18 | 67 | 52 |
| #5 | BOOZE BABY BOZZ | -1.82 | 55 | 28 |





