








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 141 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
567 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 757 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 252 | 33% |
| Smokes | 190 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 80 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 235 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $159,618 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | UML DIAGRAM | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Sakura Miko | 43% | 7 |
| #4 | Friendly Guy | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | luc :v | 42% | 12 |
| #6 | μMuseμ | 39% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | luc :v | 6 | 0.0261 |
| #2 | μMuseμ | 3 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Friendly Guy | 3 | 0.0236 |
| #4 | Sakura Miko | 2 | 0.0130 |
| #5 | UML DIAGRAM | 2 | 0.0179 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | μMuseμ | 77 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | Sakura Miko | 69 | 0.45 | 2 min |
| #3 | Friendly Guy | 46 | 0.36 | 1 min |
| #4 | UML DIAGRAM | 26 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #5 | luc :v | 23 | 0.10 | 1 min |





