








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 64 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 71 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2261 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,244 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1251 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1545 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 787 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1661 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $785,973 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 59 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paranoid Schizo | 59% | 111 |
| #2 | Big Bomboclat | 54% | 114 |
| #3 | Mukwah | 50% | 50 |
| #4 | daddy dev1ce | 49% | 97 |
| #5 | SandToast | 49% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Bomboclat | 19 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | SexualAssaultRifle | 12 | 0.0112 |
| #3 | daddy dev1ce | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | SandToast | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Mukwah | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paranoid Schizo | 226 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | SexualAssaultRifle | 200 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #3 | Big Bomboclat | 186 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | SandToast | 74 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | daddy dev1ce | 42 | 0.02 | 1 min |





