








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 531 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 560 matches | ||
| Faceit | 85 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7077 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,510 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2079 | 14% |
| Smokes | 3612 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3913 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 4906 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $983,072 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 270 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheSaltedNug | 57% | 111 |
| #2 | CumGuzzler | 48% | 241 |
| #3 | DC | 45% | 58 |
| #4 | Soo Yung | 42% | 119 |
| #5 | Grim Curses | 41% | 117 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheSaltedNug | 17 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Grim Curses | 11 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Soo Yung | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | CumGuzzler | 8 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | achilles | 7 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grim Curses | 226 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | Soo Yung | 210 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | TheSaltedNug | 184 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #4 | CumGuzzler | 132 | 0.03 | 4 min |
| #5 | DC | 120 | 0.10 | 2 min |





