








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 157 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 185 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2726 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,998 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 787 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1694 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1966 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1551 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,491,243 of utility $241 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 401 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Heliosphan | 49% | 106 |
| #5 | Snake Jesus | 48% | 60 |
| #6 | sCHAME | 48% | 206 |
| #7 | schlonger | 48% | 204 |
| #8 | Pump | 40% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pump | 20 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | sCHAME | 12 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Heliosphan | 11 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Snake Jesus | 9 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | Pujuhan | 9 | 0.0203 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sCHAME | 293 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | Heliosphan | 247 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | schlonger | 196 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #4 | Pump | 158 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Stingo | 107 | 0.27 | 3 min |





