








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1084 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 72 matches | ||
| Premier | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2328 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,585 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3498 | 33% |
| Smokes | 3260 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1100 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 2727 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $707,690 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 361 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jam Jam | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | jazzy | 70% | 23 |
| #3 | yakO | 69% | 26 |
| #4 | donald | 67% | 15 |
| #5 | MD^ | 62% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jam Jam | 2 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | Zephyr | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | MD^ | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | jazzy | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MD^ | 119 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #2 | Zephyr | 113 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | yakO | 69 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | jazzy | 59 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | donald | 53 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jam Jam | +3.23 | 77 | 71 |
| #2 | MD^ | +2.62 | 85 | 61 |
| #3 | Zephyr | +1.69 | 58 | 61 |
| #4 | jazzy | +1.43 | 69 | 73 |
| #5 | 五毛 CLEVR | +1.15 | 83 | 63 |





