








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 146 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 332 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




46 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3517 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,571 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4321 | 26% |
| Smokes | 5339 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 4537 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2374 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $623,949 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2798 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MillaSavage | 52% | 44 |
| #2 | ProfSexPhD | 51% | 59 |
| #3 | Chief Kief | 48% | 60 |
| #4 | Nutt | 44% | 78 |
| #5 | Jackal | 42% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ProfSexPhD | 51% | 59 |
| #3 | Chief Kief | 48% | 60 |
| #4 | Nutt | 44% | 78 |
| #5 | Jackal | 42% | 125 |
| #6 | HOOF_HEARTED | 42% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nutt | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Chief Kief | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | ProfSexPhD | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | Jackal | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | MillaSavage | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ProfSexPhD | 158 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | Nutt | 87 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Jackal | 37 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #4 | Chief Kief | 19 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | HOOF_HEARTED | 16 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chief Kief | +2.09 | 54 | 26 |
| #2 | ProfSexPhD | +1.34 | 70 | 54 |
| #3 | MillaSavage | +0.73 | 40 | 17 |
| #4 | Jackal | -0.14 | 49 | 24 |
| #5 | Kronash | -1.05 | 26 | 57 |





