








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 969 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 875 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 62 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9470 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,893 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10579 | 32% |
| Smokes | 8228 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 8520 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 5566 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,332,419 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 139 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cHeX | 19 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | KEWI | 15 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | simpy | 7 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | longshot911_kick.com/therealkewi | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Frank_Costanza_1 | 5 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KEWI | 538 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | cHeX | 414 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | Frank_Costanza_1 | 247 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | Its.Luco | 230 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | longshot911_kick.com/therealkewi | 161 | 0.06 | 4 min |





