








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 23 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 86 matches | ||
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1382 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,475 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 494 | 14% |
| Smokes | 963 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 995 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1023 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $473,563 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | あなたの両親は男性です | 88% | 8 |
| #2 | emkė | 61% | 64 |
| #3 | bob | 60% | 15 |
| #4 | Th1nkeR | 59% | 59 |
| #5 | Awowogei | 56% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Th1nkeR | 59% | 59 |
| #5 | Awowogei | 56% | 66 |
| #6 | Farsas | 56% | 52 |
| #7 | Cavalieriuss | 55% | 44 |
| #8 | Ruokis3 | 52% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Th1nkeR | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | emkė | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | bob | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | Awowogei | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Ruokis3 | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | emkė | 139 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #2 | Farsas | 129 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cavalieriuss | 114 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Ruokis3 | 95 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | Th1nkeR | 90 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Awowogei | +2.24 | 76 | 63 |
| #2 | あなたの両親は男性です | +2.06 | 91 | 54 |
| #3 | bob | +2.02 | 65 | 61 |
| #4 | Lemonkey | +0.90 | 68 | 50 |
| #5 | Cavalieriuss | +0.87 | 63 | 65 |





