








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 754 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 296 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Wingman | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 178 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4758 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,677 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7106 | 52% |
| Smokes | 2425 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 601 | 4% |
| Molotovs | 3545 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,869,144 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2285 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SɱαʅʅFɾySƚҽʋҽn | 50% | 40 |
| #2 | OBAMA | 49% | 85 |
| #3 | BUMSNIFFER | 48% | 365 |
| #4 | Highriver | 47% | 258 |
| #5 | Beardy | 47% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUMSNIFFER | 37 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | Beardy | 14 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | crumpled ツ | 11 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Highriver | 10 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | KatP | 7 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BUMSNIFFER | 858 | 0.11 | 19 min |
| #2 | Highriver | 334 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #3 | Beardy | 319 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | crumpled ツ | 205 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | AzzaR179 | 43 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beardy | +1.56 | 58 | 48 |
| #2 | Highriver | +1.45 | 61 | 41 |
| #3 | BUMSNIFFER | +0.86 | 51 | 49 |
| #4 | Austrian painters grandson | +0.32 | 70 | 54 |
| #5 | OBAMA | -0.49 | 48 | 23 |





