








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 307 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3392 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,394 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 951 | 11% |
| Smokes | 2277 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3213 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 1953 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,090,514 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 141 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☂♿ Killing|Dave ♿☂ | 21 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | GM | DamageDieter | 11 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | GM | The Beast | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | 💓squirrel💓 | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | GM | ►Mr.MonkeyPlay | 3 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GM | ►Mr.MonkeyPlay | 743 | 0.22 | 16 min |
| #2 | GM | DamageDieter | 334 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | ☂♿ Killing|Dave ♿☂ | 291 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | 💓squirrel💓 | 117 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | GM | The Beast | 89 | 0.02 | 3 min |





