








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 127 matches | ||
| Faceit | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5966 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,426 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8405 | 34% |
| Smokes | 6512 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3516 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 5993 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $398,031 of utility $40 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 133 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Catalyst | 79% | 145 |
| #2 | Del | 77% | 78 |
| #3 | KStaar | 76% | 224 |
| #4 | oshjay | 76% | 190 |
| #5 | Grubb | 72% | 29 |





