








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 243 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 100 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1470 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,516 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 571 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1105 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1034 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 806 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $554,764 of utility $189 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RAZDA | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | FATAL | Dota only | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | ♆ ρυͲαͲυ 1.0 ॐ | 70% | 66 |
| #4 | ΔĐΔΜ Ş€€Ҝ€Ř | 68% | 34 |
| #5 | Speedy 09 | 64% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DEADPOOL | 3 | 0.0182 |
| #2 | ♆ ρυͲαͲυ 1.0 ॐ | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Speedy 09 | 2 | 0.0092 |
| #4 | RAZDA | 2 | 0.0134 |
| #5 | ♆ λℓU ॐ | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♆ ρυͲαͲυ 1.0 ॐ | 96 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | Speedy 09 | 36 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | ♆ λℓU ॐ | 29 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | 🌹✂ρυㄒαㄒυ 2.0⭕✂ | 28 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | WOLVERINE | 28 | 0.15 | 1 min |





