








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 160 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 222 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2160 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,984 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1486 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2361 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2226 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1911 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $595,020 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | K3bu | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Kalevi | 40% | 60 |
| #10 | Husaani | 36% | 22 |
| #11 | HUUTISTA | 35% | 17 |
| #12 | Nice Bass Bro | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kalevi | 87 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Nice Bass Bro | 85 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | jope | 84 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | smn | 54 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | K3bu | 53 | 0.13 | 2 min |





