








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 218 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
918 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,503 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 207 | 8% |
| Smokes | 981 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 868 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 447 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $107,556 of utility $45 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 201 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | DayShy | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | das D in Dumm steht für Dich | 44% | 107 |
| #4 | Jorg Washingmachine | 42% | 19 |
| #5 | mu | 41% | 27 |
| #6 | monocoque meatbunbun | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | das D in Dumm steht für Dich | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | mu | 5 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | Jorg Washingmachine | 1 | 0.0025 |





