








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
643 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,625 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 813 | 31% |
| Smokes | 705 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 597 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 510 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $200,046 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SparX | 56% | 25 |
| #2 | Padronks | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | cRaCkY | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | My Wife left me :(( | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | Floak | 48% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Floak | 48% | 29 |
| #6 | Bartman | 48% | 50 |
| #7 | albone | 48% | 23 |
| #8 | Atomarix | 46% | 67 |
| #9 | Maggus | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Atomarix | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Bartman | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | SparX | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | albone | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Padronks | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Atomarix | 134 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | Bartman | 110 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Padronks | 49 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | albone | 46 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | cRaCkY | 37 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | My Wife left me :(( | +6.01 | 80 | 60 |
| #2 | albone | +3.46 | 78 | 63 |
| #3 | Atomarix | +2.49 | 78 | 68 |
| #4 | Maggus | +1.21 | 36 | 68 |
| #5 | Padronks | +0.62 | 70 | 67 |





