








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 65 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 344 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3426 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,343 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1986 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3945 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3499 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2913 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,285,311 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | _𝖘𝕳𝖆𝕯𝖊_ ツ | 48% | 27 |
| #8 | florish | 46% | 50 |
| #9 | P0ttyM0uth | 46% | 50 |
| #10 | y u m a 鬱病 | 42% | 43 |
| #11 | ketamine gaming | 38% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hobby enjoyer | 24 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | dejvo | 20 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Harman | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Ⓗⓐⓟⓟⓨⓚⓤⓝⓓⓐ | 6 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | _𝖘𝕳𝖆𝕯𝖊_ ツ | 4 | 0.0066 |





