








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 19 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
591 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,357 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 462 | 20% |
| Smokes | 839 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 530 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 526 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $237,819 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sane0909 | 59% | 29 |
| #2 | bimpinsam | 53% | 55 |
| #3 | Fedaddy | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | Haywood Jablomi | 45% | 76 |
| #5 | Toast | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | bimpinsam | 53% | 55 |
| #3 | Fedaddy | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | Haywood Jablomi | 45% | 76 |
| #5 | Toast | 44% | 18 |
| #6 | The Rizzler | 38% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haywood Jablomi | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | bimpinsam | 5 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | The Rizzler | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Sane0909 | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Toast | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haywood Jablomi | 201 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | The Rizzler | 194 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Toast | 56 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | bimpinsam | 31 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Fedaddy | 22 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Rizzler | +3.42 | 82 | 65 |
| #2 | Toast | +2.61 | 75 | 58 |
| #3 | bimpinsam | -0.30 | 54 | 36 |
| #4 | Haywood Jablomi | -0.76 | 71 | 66 |
| #5 | Fedaddy | -1.16 | 46 | 42 |





