








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 152 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 182 matches | ||
| Premier | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3166 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,441 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1639 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1805 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2192 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2805 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,408,050 of utility $162 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 131 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NOT Tuxxy | 58% | 53 |
| #2 | Fred | 56% | 32 |
| #3 | An Acoustic Dogo | 56% | 32 |
| #4 | RelliK | 56% | 34 |
| #5 | Lord Bubble Daddy Supreme | 52% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Rapid | 48% | 33 |
| #8 | Stevekl | 48% | 132 |
| #9 | GuineaPigGuy | 44% | 50 |
| #10 | Ameentd | 41% | 41 |
| #11 | Keegan | 37% | 51 |





