








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 294 matches | ||
| Faceit | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4711 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,303 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2362 | 25% |
| Smokes | 3183 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1689 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2069 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,584,742 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AsianGangGaming | 50% | 48 |
| #2 | Jangster | 50% | 52 |
| #3 | Bulbasaur | 50% | 175 |
| #4 | Waka | 48% | 340 |
| #5 | Dildo Baggins | 45% | 143 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jangster | 50% | 52 |
| #3 | Bulbasaur | 50% | 175 |
| #4 | Waka | 48% | 340 |
| #5 | Dildo Baggins | 45% | 143 |
| #6 | yeahman696bellyslap | 38% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waka | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Dildo Baggins | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | AsianGangGaming | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Jangster | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | yeahman696bellyslap | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Waka | 706 | 0.10 | 15 min |
| #2 | Bulbasaur | 407 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #3 | Dildo Baggins | 279 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | yeahman696bellyslap | 168 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #5 | Jangster | 111 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taka | +2.27 | 82 | 59 |
| #2 | AsianGangGaming | +1.64 | 89 | 40 |
| #3 | Bulbasaur | +0.18 | 82 | 58 |
| #4 | Jangster | +0.01 | 86 | 51 |
| #5 | yeahman696bellyslap | -0.69 | 53 | 74 |





