








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 242 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 184 matches | ||
| Wingman | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 78 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2818 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,189 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2402 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4443 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2128 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 4216 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,386,308 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 557 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Devastor | 57% | 54 |
| #3 | CriZep | 56% | 111 |
| #4 | 揚尼克ツ | 50% | 116 |
| #5 | Chfkoch | 42% | 38 |
| #6 | Veltecs | 41% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 揚尼克ツ | 13 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | CriZep | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Veltecs | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Devastor | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Chfkoch | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CriZep | 452 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #2 | 揚尼克ツ | 254 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Veltecs | 191 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Chfkoch | 146 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | Devastor | 133 | 0.12 | 3 min |





