








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 201 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1412 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,626 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 359 | 22% |
| Smokes | 581 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 531 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 155 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $780,058 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 216 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | geek bar | 46% | 135 |
| #5 | 8BALL | 38% | 26 |
| #6 | Lan | 38% | 87 |
| #7 | J$ | 29% | 28 |
| #8 | Young Stroker The Body Snatcher | 11% | 9 |





