








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 921 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 578 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




81 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5382 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,033 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2874 | 13% |
| Smokes | 6227 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6979 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 5953 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $598,216 of utility $42 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 891 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fut | 48% | 581 |
| #2 | poot | 46% | 203 |
| #3 | scrub. | 46% | 409 |
| #4 | polly | 45% | 62 |
| #5 | MLK's casket | 43% | 158 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | scrub. | 46% | 409 |
| #4 | polly | 45% | 62 |
| #5 | MLK's casket | 43% | 158 |
| #6 | yuh | 42% | 111 |
| #7 | MwellM | 39% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fut | 30 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | scrub. | 22 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | MLK's casket | 12 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | polly | 8 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | poot | 5 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | scrub. | 1104 | 0.13 | 24 min |
| #2 | fut | 424 | 0.03 | 8 min |
| #3 | poot | 410 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #4 | MLK's casket | 316 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #5 | MwellM | 165 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fut | +3.38 | 82 | 35 |
| #2 | MLK's casket | +1.37 | 67 | 56 |
| #3 | MwellM | +0.71 | 60 | 50 |
| #4 | polly | -0.21 | 63 | 50 |
| #5 | scrub. | -1.06 | 31 | 64 |





