








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 304 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 323 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4427 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,115 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 834 | 14% |
| Smokes | 662 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 2696 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 1923 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,099,337 of utility $231 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 267 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V$R- | 61% | 59 |
| #2 | Shivaa3o | 57% | 56 |
| #3 | ♿ TTV-plutinus20 𓅓 | 56% | 45 |
| #4 | Parmeister | 53% | 51 |
| #5 | El-Celsini | 52% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ♿ TTV-plutinus20 𓅓 | 56% | 45 |
| #4 | Parmeister | 53% | 51 |
| #5 | El-Celsini | 52% | 52 |
| #6 | Zero | 49% | 37 |
| #7 | ᵇᵉᵃᵗʳᶦᶦᶻ | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V$R- | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Parmeister | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Shivaa3o | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | El-Celsini | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | ♿ TTV-plutinus20 𓅓 | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shivaa3o | 164 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | V$R- | 126 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | El-Celsini | 112 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | ♿ TTV-plutinus20 𓅓 | 105 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Parmeister | 103 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parmeister | +1.94 | 67 | 65 |
| #2 | Zero | +1.51 | 67 | 58 |
| #3 | V$R- | +1.22 | 71 | 64 |
| #4 | Shivaa3o | +1.18 | 83 | 59 |
| #5 | ERRU [VIRIL] | +0.90 | 78 | 37 |





