








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
812 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,089 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 313 | 29% |
| Smokes | 383 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 358 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 35 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $332,602 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zero oreos | 60% | 43 |
| #2 | particle | 57% | 21 |
| #3 | Mr. Forehead | 47% | 32 |
| #4 | RoidRAge SUSAN | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zero oreos | 60% | 43 |
| #2 | particle | 57% | 21 |
| #3 | Mr. Forehead | 47% | 32 |
| #4 | RoidRAge SUSAN | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Forehead | 12 | 0.0189 |
| #2 | zero oreos | 6 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | particle | 4 | 0.0089 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zero oreos | 136 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #2 | particle | 102 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #3 | Mr. Forehead | 92 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | RoidRAge SUSAN | 13 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zero oreos | +2.14 | 61 | 61 |
| #2 | Mr. Forehead | +1.86 | 44 | 59 |
| #3 | particle | +0.51 | 72 | 43 |
| #4 | Goln PIaces | -0.26 | 65 | 25 |
| #5 | RoidRAge SUSAN | -0.96 | 69 | 53 |





