








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 117 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
859 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,655 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 562 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1222 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1093 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 778 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $241,313 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eNvy | 82% | 22 |
| #2 | GlogS | 82% | 22 |
| #3 | Boces | 78% | 51 |
| #4 | squak | 77% | 61 |
| #5 | rahul | 73% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | squak | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | eNvy | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | ScurbDOodle | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Ske1N | 1 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | squak | 254 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #2 | Pukje | 173 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Bash | 74 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | eNvy | 61 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | Boces | 53 | 0.06 | 1 min |





