








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 95 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
829 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,077 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 298 | 14% |
| Smokes | 488 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 641 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 650 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $390,166 of utility $225 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Comrade Hunti ☭ | 43% | 28 |
| #9 | Frank Aal | 43% | 61 |
| #10 | Lorian WirNz | 40% | 53 |
| #11 | CouchCommander Alomonior | 33% | 24 |
| #12 | Gordon | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lorian WirNz | 128 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | Edgelord | 106 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Frank Aal | 58 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Nachtfalk | 46 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Sheriff Willi | 38 | 0.19 | 1 min |





