








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 83 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 264 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




69 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3504 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,676 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3136 | 27% |
| Smokes | 3477 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2500 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2563 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,355,754 of utility $183 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 134 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | contamet | 52% | 27 |
| #2 | #Spaiky | 51% | 63 |
| #3 | Axel Motherfk...... Foley | 45% | 40 |
| #4 | FiveApes|M.D. | 44% | 34 |
| #5 | Ben Dover | 43% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bmaster | 12 | 0.0091 |
| #2 | FiveApes|phiL | 7 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | #Spaiky | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Ben Dover | 5 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | FiveApes|M.D. | 5 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ben Dover | 217 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #2 | Axel Motherfk...... Foley | 134 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cueken ê | 82 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | FiveApes|M.D. | 76 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | #Spaiky | 73 | 0.05 | 2 min |





