








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 130 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 38 matches | ||
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2034 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,458 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2194 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2114 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1774 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2376 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $469,749 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 323 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | StormyLT4 | 52% | 100 |
| #5 | :> | 50% | 103 |
| #6 | Me Hoy Minoy | 49% | 87 |
| #7 | Harky_Poo TTV | 42% | 43 |
| #8 | Woapalana | 38% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :> | 226 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | StormyLT4 | 209 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | Harky_Poo TTV | 126 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | Fern | 104 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Me Hoy Minoy | 99 | 0.06 | 3 min |





