








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1278 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 260 matches | ||
| Esplay | 55 matches | 2,176 | |
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4296 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,923 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7093 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5623 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4931 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 5276 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $860,845 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1202 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | KB | 56% | 245 |
| #7 | Jsson | 55% | 20 |
| #8 | TM | 51% | 35 |
| #9 | cl1py | 48% | 25 |
| #10 | Jerk | 47% | 49 |





