








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 106 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2471 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,833 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1883 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2818 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2982 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2150 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $717,990 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 77 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sasol | 52% | 95 |
| #2 | Black Ben Franklin | 47% | 90 |
| #3 | Fast Suck | 40% | 75 |
| #4 | A SUHHHHHH DUDE | 38% | 61 |
| #5 | Joe Penis | 33% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sasol | 257 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | Black Ben Franklin | 182 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Fast Suck | 117 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | A SUHHHHHH DUDE | 110 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #5 | Joe Penis | 93 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sasol | +0.58 | 71 | 68 |
| #2 | Phlurpe | +0.55 | 62 | 60 |
| #3 | Black Ben Franklin | +0.26 | 80 | 60 |
| #4 | Fast Suck | -1.17 | 64 | 58 |
| #5 | Joe Penis | -2.08 | 69 | 57 |





