








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 179 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1127 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,519 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1879 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1441 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1370 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 829 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $641,477 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 61% | 66 |
| #2 | el capitán | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | elbe. | 43% | 56 |
| #4 | SECNAV | 36% | 11 |
| #5 | ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ WaldMausi | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 61% | 66 |
| #2 | el capitán | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | elbe. | 43% | 56 |
| #4 | SECNAV | 36% | 11 |
| #5 | ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ WaldMausi | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | SECNAV | 1 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | 231 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | elbe. | 161 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #3 | ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ WaldMausi | 45 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | el capitán | 18 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | SECNAV | 15 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bob | +3.41 | 64 | 69 |
| #2 | el capitán | +2.23 | 43 | 56 |
| #3 | elbe. | +0.97 | 55 | 64 |
| #4 | SECNAV | +0.73 | 67 | 47 |
| #5 | Auto_so_ich_so_unfall | -1.35 | 47 | 62 |





