








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 43 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 292 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4010 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,032 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4546 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4154 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2587 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2745 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,080,445 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s9 * zAppleShadow | 64% | 25 |
| #2 | «uP1» Co0k | 50% | 26 |
| #3 | Cake | 50% | 38 |
| #4 | The Shmeegler | 48% | 83 |
| #5 | Confucius's Left Nut | 46% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Shmeegler | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Confucius's Left Nut | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Cake | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | s9 * zAppleShadow | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | «uP1» Co0k | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Shmeegler | 127 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | s9 * zAppleShadow | 113 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | Confucius's Left Nut | 100 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | «uP1» Co0k | 76 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Cake | 26 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | «uP1» Co0k | +2.73 | 68 | 70 |
| #2 | s9 * zAppleShadow | +0.82 | 58 | 59 |
| #3 | ENTuO | +0.82 | 67 | 65 |
| #4 | Cake | +0.02 | 79 | 45 |
| #5 | Confucius's Left Nut | -0.39 | 67 | 42 |





