








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 248 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 602 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 62 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4511 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,964 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 719 | 3% |
| Smokes | 5607 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 10589 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 7049 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,486,214 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 442 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crazyy Da Pimp | 53% | 116 |
| #2 | Mayhell | 46% | 142 |
| #3 | Sjeiken | 45% | 180 |
| #4 | YOUMADBEAN™ | 43% | 460 |
| #5 | ole.mdr02 | 41% | 141 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YOUMADBEAN™ | 2248 | 0.24 | 57 min |
| #2 | YOUMADBRO™ | 1500 | 0.26 | 35 min |
| #3 | YOUMADCALLME | 393 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #4 | Sjeiken | 287 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #5 | YOUMADFISH | 195 | 0.06 | 4 min |





