








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 130 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
603 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,963 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 510 | 26% |
| Smokes | 474 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 529 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 450 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $539,755 of utility $263 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Mr. Banana | 38% | 13 |
| #9 | Tubu (bussikuski) (bus driver) | 38% | 8 |
| #10 | Juippi | 38% | 8 |
| #11 | π°ππππππ | 36% | 45 |
| #12 | H3N3 | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JOT Bauhis | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | π°ππππππ | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | π₯π²π΄πΎ | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | JJBjΓΆrn | 2 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | Tubu (bussikuski) (bus driver) | 2 | 0.0139 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | π°ππππππ | 148 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #2 | π₯π²π΄πΎ | 132 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | JOT Bauhis | 115 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mr. Banana | 50 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | H3N3 | 38 | 0.19 | 1 min |





