








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 609 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 53 matches | ||
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2020 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,304 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1336 | 40% |
| Smokes | 557 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 924 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 487 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $611,709 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 223 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | BOT Cole | 43% | 138 |
| #7 | sholt | 43% | 106 |
| #8 | 1 | 42% | 90 |
| #9 | doinB RYZE HACK?英雄联盟 400 CS 24 M | 42% | 50 |
| #10 | baal zebub | 21% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1 | 13 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | https://chatgpt.com/ | 12 | 0.0078 |
| #3 | BOT Cole | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | sholt | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | unsec | 4 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1 | 522 | 0.29 | 12 min |
| #2 | https://chatgpt.com/ | 295 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | sholt | 190 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | BOT Cole | 184 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | Razi | 67 | 0.13 | 1 min |





