








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 394 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 48 matches | 1,520 | |
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1186 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,575 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 682 | 43% |
| Smokes | 313 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 378 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 202 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $607,924 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tussen | 59% | 29 |
| #2 | JohnnyBoy | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | Boobinator | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | olle | 45% | 31 |
| #5 | Magic Hudson | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wally Wonky | 5 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Onkel | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | olle | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Magic Hudson | 2 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | Tussen | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | olle | 101 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Onkel | 87 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #3 | Flender *nicorette | 81 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Tussen | 62 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Magic Hudson | 40 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tussen | +3.90 | 82 | 72 |
| #2 | Boobinator | +2.94 | 81 | 52 |
| #3 | olle | +2.75 | 55 | 71 |
| #4 | Magic Hudson | +1.11 | 83 | 40 |
| #5 | Onkel | +0.59 | 69 | 59 |





