








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 879 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 310 matches | ||
| Premier | 302 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5830 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,183 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6787 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5928 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5520 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3948 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,144,044 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 0bject | 50% | 587 |
| #2 | sascHaGGmvp | 49% | 574 |
| #3 | SyDX | 49% | 586 |
| #4 | SKIPPY | 49% | 580 |
| #5 | $Bachmane$ | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 0bject | 50% | 587 |
| #2 | sascHaGGmvp | 49% | 574 |
| #3 | SyDX | 49% | 586 |
| #4 | SKIPPY | 49% | 580 |
| #5 | $Bachmane$ | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sascHaGGmvp | 11 | 0.0009 |
| #2 | 0bject | 8 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | SyDX | 4 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | SKIPPY | 3 | 0.0002 |
| #5 | $Bachmane$ | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SyDX | 1625 | 0.13 | 43 min |
| #2 | 0bject | 1607 | 0.13 | 44 min |
| #3 | SKIPPY | 1516 | 0.12 | 48 min |
| #4 | sascHaGGmvp | 1217 | 0.10 | 28 min |
| #5 | $Bachmane$ | 54 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | basTee | +1.44 | 78 | 69 |
| #2 | 0bject | +1.39 | 72 | 75 |
| #3 | SyDX | -0.46 | 77 | 67 |
| #4 | sascHaGGmvp | -0.74 | 57 | 68 |
| #5 | SKIPPY | -1.72 | 40 | 72 |





