








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
579 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,788 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 415 | 23% |
| Smokes | 554 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 458 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 361 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $253,064 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JibberJabber | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | Sir Robert "The Wise" | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | Whatintarnation | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | YON | 49% | 74 |
| #5 | ✪JHollowHead | 42% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Sir Robert "The Wise" | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | Whatintarnation | 54% | 28 |
| #4 | YON | 49% | 74 |
| #5 | ✪JHollowHead | 42% | 33 |
| #6 | GabetheBabe | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GabetheBabe | 5 | 0.0079 |
| #2 | YON | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | ✪JHollowHead | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Whatintarnation | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Sir Robert "The Wise" | 1 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whatintarnation | 166 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #2 | YON | 107 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | ✪JHollowHead | 80 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | GabetheBabe | 69 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | JibberJabber | 14 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GabetheBabe | +2.71 | 73 | 56 |
| #2 | YON | +1.88 | 78 | 43 |
| #3 | Whatintarnation | +1.65 | 72 | 66 |
| #4 | JibberJabber | +0.10 | 48 | 40 |
| #5 | ✪JHollowHead | -1.20 | 52 | 56 |





