








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 600 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1362 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,812 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1035 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1058 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 880 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 839 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $330,692 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 207 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Senpizzy | 92% | 12 |
| #2 | Creamed Jeans | 78% | 32 |
| #3 | Potion Man | 73% | 11 |
| #4 | Josephine | 71% | 41 |
| #5 | DYNASTY OF TOKE | 70% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DYNASTY OF TOKE | 7 | 0.0114 |
| #2 | Xxwebbie_dinklagexX | 2 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Potion Man | 2 | 0.0090 |
| #4 | Josephine | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | 500km/h into a brick wall | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 500km/h into a brick wall | 70 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | Crab Claw | 69 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Creamed Jeans | 60 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | DYNASTY OF TOKE | 53 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Senpizzy | 47 | 0.21 | 1 min |





